Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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