he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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