im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
