I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
