i need an iv and a liver transplant
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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