y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize