I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
