you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
