It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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