I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
