Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
