Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
