Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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