I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
