susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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