My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
When did angry sex become our thing?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
