he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
