i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
