How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
