I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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