just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
