I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
