I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
