between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
