I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
