You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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