I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
