did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
