Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am spending my child support on dildos
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
