A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
