McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
