Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
the gays at disneyland are vicious
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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