remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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