She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you traded sex for a burrito?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
