I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
