my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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