Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
