GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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