think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
