He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
