I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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