I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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