chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
