I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
