I am in a vortex of obligation.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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