keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
