There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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