Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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