the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
A+ Viking dick
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
