i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
