Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
