the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
