What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
