It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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