Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
