Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
