It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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