Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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