Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
