I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
