Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
