I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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