Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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