I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
