And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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